JIM “PAPPY” MOORE: Respect Your Exes

Today I’m writing about something that troubles me. I do not believe it is ever appropriate to speak badly of your exes. I know that some like to do that, but to me it seems wrong. If you fell in love with them, if you thought enough of them to marry them, if you had some good times, some good years, why would you want to disparage that?

Life is a journey. In that journey there are people who come into your life. Sometimes they are there because you’re both going to the same school, or working at the same place. You have things you share. Maybe school, maybe work, maybe church, maybe military. These things draw you together for a time. But they move on, or you move on, and you no longer have the same connection. You may stay friends but not as close as you were when you were both in the military together, or both in the same college, or both working at the same place.

Marriage, or other close relationships between a man and a woman, is different. It is more intense. It is far closer. And when it ends, there is a tendency to think about blame, and anger, and disappointments. Some of that is to be expected. But don’t let it ruin what you had with that person.

I can truthfully say that the women I respect the most in my life are the ones I had a strong relationship with for some time, built on love, friendship, and respect. It is not always easy to maintain a decent relationship after a breakup, but you have to try to think in those terms.

My exes are all exceptional people, exceptional women. Dedicated, Smart, Directed, Capable, Attractive, Independent, Reliable. Why wouldn’t I be proud of having them as a former partner?

When I think back on my years with them, I always think “wow, I was lucky to have them in my life!” I am not the easiest person to get along with. I’m driven. I’m confident to the point of being annoying at times. I’m loving and compassionate, too.

But in the end, relationships are affected by many things. To me, the question is not whether it lasted. The question is “was it good?” I have to declare “it was good” for mine. I would not undo any of them.

My plea is that we all try to be more kind, more compassionate of our exes. I am very proud of mine. They are each great people, great women. Why wouldn’t I be proud of them?

There are many who marry and stay married their entire adult lives. Even some of those have exes, however. One time I was having lunch with an ex and we started talking with humor about our conflicts. I loved it when she said “what were WE thinking?!”

You have to move on like that. Just like you’d wish an old friend or an old colleague good luck.

 I hope if you have an ex you’ve groused about, you’ll think about going the other direction. I only think about the great things about my exes, and the joy they brought me in our days of being together.