JIM “PAPPY” MOORE: Courtroom Shenanigans
By Jim “Pappy” Moore
With so many important cases in the news, it might be good to think about some of the funny things that can happen in trial. While trying cases and otherwise appearing in court is serious business, one should seldom pass up an opportunity to have a humorous moment. Years ago, an attorney from our office asked me to cover a hearing for him in the District Court. I appeared as counsel for the plaintiff when the case was called and the court reporter asked me “Mr. Moore, are you acting as attorney for the plaintiff?” I replied “yes, but I’m not acting; I really am an attorney!”
Once I was involved in a case in which there were a half dozen parties and more than a half dozen attorneys representing said parties. The hearings on every little matter would drone on and on. The judge would allow attorneys to prattle endlessly, and most of it was repetitive of the pleadings each attorney had already filed. Bored to tears, I came up with a notion which made the time more palatable. I started imagining each attorney in the proceeding and the judge as dressed in 16th century English garb suitable for King Henry VIII’s court.
Nothing is quite as amusing as seeing a witness get the best of an attorney cross examining him. In a real estate trial, a cross-examining attorney was trying to get an opposing witness to commit to a narrow time frame of an event. The attorney wished to tie the witness down as tightly as possible, and perhaps pressure the witness into saying something erroneous. He asked the witness when a particular event occurred. The witness replied that the event “happened in spring of 1981.” The cross-examining attorney dug further: “Can you be more specific?” “Yes,” the witness replied. “It was between March 20th and June 21st.” The attorney continued “what’s that?” The witness replied “that’s spring.”
In one particularly gnarly case in which the judge was a little too cozy with the law firm representing the other side, I had a judge rule against my client on the opposing party’s motion for summary judgment. I knew a ruling for the other party on the motion would be erroneous. When the judge indicated he would grant the motion, I stated to the court “your honor, if you grant the summary judgment it will be error.” “Well,” the judge replied, “to err is human.” I responded “and to reverse is divine.” We did get the case reversed on appeal, as I had predicted, for the error the court had committed. Immediately the opposing party accepted my offer to settle at the number my client wanted.
An irascible old attorney who taught me a few things when I was much younger took me with him to a court hearing before a federal judge who did not care for my bombastic senior partner’s tendency toward excess. Once in a hearing about a governmental matter, the old attorney started into his pitch about why our client should prevail. “Just a minute, Mr. Ross,” said the judge. “Please start at the beginning.” Without pausing, Mr. Ross replied “in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.” That got him a further rebuke!
Not every attorney knows how to ask a question, and sharp witnesses can take advantage of that circumstance. “Do you know when the meeting happened?” asked an attorney of a hostile witness. “Yes,” replied the witness. “Will you tell us when it happened?” the attorney asked further. “Yes,” replied the witness, without volunteering further information. Losing patience, the attorney bellowed “When did it happen?!” “Last spring,” the smiling witness answered.
Copyright 2024 Jim “Pappy” Moore. All rights reserved.