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JIM ‘PAPPY’ MOORE: Buggin’ Out!

By Jim “Pappy” Moore

I am willing to get along with insects.  But I have rules. Stay out of my house. Stay out of my car.  Stay out of my porch.  The punishment for violating that rule is death.  I am judge, jury and executioner.

Flies, mosquitoes, spiders, cockroaches, gnats, May flies, even moths.  I don’t want them near my food, buzzing my head, or running across my walls, ceiling or floor.  

I do not care for those bug sprays which smell awful and reek of petroleum products.  They make my head hurt and are worse than having an infestation of creepy crawlers.  Prevention is the best cure for insects.  Keep them out, and if they show up, kill them on sight.

The main preventative measures are the simple ones. Keep the dishes washed. Keep food off the counters and floors. Keep the windows and doors closed.  For most bugs, those measures work well.  But there is one invader for whom doors and windows are not their primary point of entry.

Ant Wars began a month ago.  First came an invasion in the kitchen. It seemed I’d left a tiny speck of chili on the counter just before leaving town for several days.  When I returned, I discovered a steady stream of the little guys marching to and from the tiny speck of chili which had somehow escaped my notice before I left town.  Following their trail, I found their point of entry and exit was an electrical socket inside one of my kitchen cabinets.  Ant Wars was ON.

Because I do not like to use those awful smelling sprays, I used other means to attack ants.  My niece told me she had good results fighting ants with common kitchen and bathroom spray cleanser.  I gave that a try, and it worked for me.  It took days of multiple attacks each day, but within a week I had literally wiped out an army of ants, all while making my kitchen spotless.  Take that, you little red annoyances.

Imagine my chagrin when a few days later I discovered another invading army of ants with a beachhead in my bathroom.  Once again, I cleared all the counters, attacked with the cleanser, and wiped out legions of ants, tracing them back to their tiny entry point.  But they kept coming, albeit in diminishing numbers. I was told that in hot, dry weather they sometimes come inside to seek water. 

I decided it was time to call in the executioners.  I got some of those little ant hotels.  The hotels have several portals of entry, and inside they have poison bait the ants love.  They go crazy over the stuff.  I had never before used them, but it was a sight to see. Within a day or two, there must have been a thousand ants trekking into my bathroom, into those bait houses, and back out.  Their frenetic movements proved they were hooked on this bait/poison.  Occasionally, I would use my cleanser and paper towels to dispatch hundreds of them in moments.  But I let the poison bait do its thing, and eventually the intruders were completely vanquished.

The ants have unconditionally surrendered.  Or, they’re all dead.  I’m fine with either.  But I was buggin’ out there for a while.  Ants are supposed to be one of the most plentiful species on the planet, but not in my house.

Copyright 2022, Jim “Pappy” Moore. All rights reserved.


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