Op-Ed: Taking a moment to appreciate our soulmate
By Dr. Billy Holland
Recently, I was sitting in my office on a dreary afternoon, tapping on the keyboard and listening to the rain blowing against the window. The house is quiet during the day as my writing routine includes our dog sprawled out on the cool hardwood floor, snoring contentedly around my desk. Then it suddenly dawned on me, June fourth will be the forty-ninth year of our marriage. I then thought about our upcoming golden wedding anniversary in 2027, and how blessed I am to share this milestone with the one I love. I’m confident she feels the same way and definitely deserves a medal for her patience, support, and for embracing the work and shared vision with me for nearly five decades. It’s been an amazing journey so far, and throughout the hard times and the good times, we know we are truly blessed.
Familiarity is a slow-growing deception that can cause us to take people for granted, and in the realm of marriage, this is one of the many reasons couples become distant. Those of you who have been married for a while can relate when I say that holidays, birthdays, and even vacations can lose a little of their sparkle and excitement after years of repetition. It’s not the occasion, it’s the awareness of who we are with. Could it be that falling into a predictable routine can cause our love to grow cold as we just go through the motions? When we were dating and then became newlyweds, life was like a romantic, magical fairy tale. Even just taking a walk around the block or going for a drive was exciting simply because we were together.
But as the years pass by, the exhilaration seems to wear off, and when we would come home from a hard day of work, it became mutually agreeable that a peanut butter sandwich, a candy bar, and watching Wheel of Fortune would be plenty of excitement for the evening. Whatever happened to all the hugging, kissing, and holding hands? Do you remember how the first years of marriage had three-word phrases like “I love you” and “you are amazing,” and then after a few years, they evolved into “toilet seat down,” “car needs gas”, and “need more Advil?” When we were younger, we didn’t know the meaning of tired, and now we become giddy about an afternoon nap. Nonetheless, it’s a comfort to know that the person who shares our couch with us every night is there because they love us and wouldn’t have it any other way.
Showing appreciation to the one we love doesn’t require a special holiday or a fancy restaurant. It’s the little things that prove how we feel. Of all the people in the world we could have set our sights on, the person we are with now is the one we selected. They are the ones who stole our hearts, so there is nothing preventing us from expressing how much we need them. We assume they already know we love them, and they do, but there’s nothing wrong with showing it more than just a Valentine’s Day card. Another thing that we avoid thinking about is that life will not always be like it is now, which is another reason to cherish the moments we have together. Life is precious, let’s appreciate each moment. We can also turn to the Bible as a wonderful source of wisdom, as it reminds us of our responsibility to honor our vows. We made a pledge as we lit the unity candle, promising that having God at the center of our marriage would bind us together with Him.
I heard someone say that marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for 50 years- ha!. But seriously, we do not need to be a marriage counselor to understand the dangers of allowing the fires of our passion to grow cold. May we use our own imagination to come up with fresh ideas that can fan the embers of our love into a bonfire of affection? I would rather have someone give me a candy bar while telling me how much they love me than to receive elaborate, expensive gifts like a new house, car, or jewelry out of obligation. Character traits like respect, forgiveness, sacrifice, and humility are foundational pillars that strengthen the covenant bond with our spouse. Let’s remember: God is love, and walking in communication with Him is the key to maintaining a lasting relationship with our soulmate.
Dr. Holland is an ordained minister, chaplain, counselor, and author. To learn more about a life filled with purpose, visit: billyhollandministries.com.
