To be honest, I almost forgot about writing this week all together. Usually I think about different subjects to write about and narrow the list down to one. The other topics on the list are forgotten about and I start the whole process over again the next week. This week my mind has been focused on life.
My mother who is 92 isn’t doing well. I hope she recovers. I had a conversation in the hallway with my husband today. I told him I don’t know which is better a fast unexpected death or a long drawn out decline.
“Neither,” he said. He lost his dad somewhat unexpectedly a few months ago. I lost one of my dads back in 1994 somewhat unexpectedly. I remember the moment I found out. I don’t remember exactly the words that came out of my other dad’s mouth as he told me. I remember falling to the ground and crying.
Dealing with the pain of losing someone slowly in my opinion is harder. The stress on your heart is like their descend - slow and painful. Usually when I write a column I feel like I have some sort of wisdom to share with you. I don’t this week.
I wish I could give you some tips on how to cope. I wish I could tell you the all the guides of how to cope with grief, bereavement and mourning were helpful but they aren’t. All I am doing is dealing with it. There really isn’t much else I can do.
I am grateful that I don’t have any serious vices because honestly, I might breakdown right now. I can see how easy it could be to go on a drinking or drug binge right about now. I am not saying that lightly. I really understand how trying to escape to something to take your mind off your pain is an easy choice.
I am sure that someone is reading this and is going through the same thing I am going through. I hope you have help like I do. I hope you are able to muster up the strength to not break down like I am. I hope when you need a good cry you do it.
A long time ago in college I remember seeing a young women crying in Taco Bell. I mean just crying her eyes out. I remember looking at her and talking with a friend and judging her.
“Why would she come to Taco Bell and just cry like that,” I said. I can’t remember what my friend said said exactly but she scolded me and told me I didn’t know what she was going through. To that women, now I understand.
I was at a restaurant recently and there was a table that my mother and I sat at once. I almost broke down right then and there.
I do have a little advice to share. If someone offers you a hug, take it. If someone offers to help, take it. If you need to cry, do it. If you are out in public don’t let that stop you. To that stranger years ago, thank you for teaching me that lesson. Cry when you need to - like nobody's watching.
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