My Dislike of St. Patrick's Day
Mar 21, 2013 | 1785 views | 2 2 comments | 18 18 recommendations | email to a friend | print

I dislike St. Patrick's Day because it has come to stand for drinking until someone pukes. Back in the day when I still enjoyed drinking and did so with friends often, St. Patrick's Day was a day like no other. Its primary purpose was imbibing mass quantities of alcohol and behaving adolescent. There was no secondary purpose, as with Christmas, New Year's Eve, or birthdays.

The role of the Irish has no place in my attitude about St. Patrick's Day. I've never noticed that many Irish celebrating. I've seen many people celebrating whom I'm certain were not Irish. It's not an Irish thing for me, but a drinking green beer 'til you puke thing. I don't mind the "Kiss me, I'm Irish" stuff, or the "Luck of the Irish" part of the day. I know it is a day which means more to some ethnic sectors than others. The people I'm talking about are not celebrating Ireland. They're celebrating the opportunity to drink excessive amounts of alcohol.

Maybe I'm focusing too much on the puking, but I challenge you to spend an evening drinking on St. Patrick's Day without seeing someone puke. Hurl. Barf. Spew. Upchuck. Vomit. It's nasty, and so are all the words which describe it. Are the words worse than the hurling, barfing, spewing, upchucking?  No. Nothing is worse than throwing up alcohol laced with sugar and bits of undigested food. Be sure to blow some of that through your nose, celebrants. It's even better coming out your nose.

Yes, I am painting a sordid picture of excessive drinking. That's the reality of St. Patrick's Day. It is about excessive drinking. Many years ago, I drank to excess on occasion, and I know the horror of worshiping at the altar we sometimes call the toilet.

Consider this column an appeal to limit excessive drinking. St. Patrick's Day is a celebration which is the favorite of untreated alcoholics. They love a day where drinking too much is part of the celebration. As holidays go, it is the greatest enabler of them all.

Comedian Jim Breuer has a tremendously funny stand up bit he does about going out for the evening and drinking far too much.   He says your stomach is like a bar, and each type of drink a particular customer in it. Things go well until too many "people" show up and trouble ensues. Ultimately, your stomach tells everyone they have to leave, saying "not that way - the way you came in!"

Comedian Larry Miller had a routine twenty or so years ago about staying out until the wee hours, drinking far too much and coming home hammered beyond repair. He said "and then I kneel before that porcelain altar and say that prayer many of you have said 'oh, Lord, please - I promise will never do this again!'"

It isn't funny when it is happening. It isn't funny to the people who have to tolerate those who drink too much. It's funny when time allows us to forget the painful parts.

I firmly believe everyone who is an adult is entitled to do what they want with their life and their body. That includes drinking alcohol, if that's what a person wants to do. It is the negative effects of excess which I find objectionable.

© 2013, Jim “Pappy” Moore,

All Rights Reserved.

Jim “Pappy” Moore is a native son of East Texas who still makes the piney woods his home.

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March 17, 2013
About 10 percent of people who start drinking become full-blown alcoholics and ruin their own and others' lives. I was one of the 10 percent. If you can drink in moderation, congratulations. He is not talking about you. I appreciated him writing this because, even after 14 years of sobriety, I need to be reminded occasionally of my "bad old days." And I thank God for another day sober.
March 17, 2013
nobody wants to puke, you idiot. it's about working hard and earning a day of celebration.