I JUST THREW my mom her 90th birthday party. It was exhausting. I am happy that my mom made it to 90 years and it was a joyous occasion. At first I was super excited about planning the party. Towards the end of the planning, I had a negative attitude.

At first I blamed my frustrations on how much it costs to throw a party. I started thinking about all the future parties for my son and how much it was going to cost.

After the party was over I was exhausted. A couple of family members came to the house after the party and I told them I had to excuse myself because I had to go to work in a couple of hours. While I was sleeping they cleaned the entire kitchen. I awoke to a clean house. I was very grateful.

Even though they cleaned the kitchen and I got off work on time, I went to bed stressed. I had to be honest with myself. My stress is about the future. It is very hard taking care of my mother and my son. Not to mention I am trying to be a good wife also.

I want my mom to live as long as possible. I know that I am going to regret having these feelings of stress. I know that I am lucky to pay my mom back and take care of her.

I DECIDED to share my feelings of being overwhelmed because I think others feel the same way I do but don’t know what to do about it. I wish I had all the answers for everyone but I don’t.

Having good support systems helps. Talking with friends or family helps. Sharing your stories with others who have been in the same situation can help to. I think each person has to deal with stress in their own way also.

I know it is natural for me to be stressed. Sometimes I just like to be by myself and cry. Sometimes a good shopping trip can lift my spirits. The trick is, I make time to do the things I have to do to take some of my stress away.

However no matter what I do, I feel like I have a big lump in my throat. My fears are always with me. My fears are on two completely different spectrums. What am I going to do if something happens to my mother? How am I going to handle taking care of my mom a year from now, two years, 10 years?

I HAVE family members tell me all the time how great a job I am doing. While I appreciate the praise, it doesn’t make me feel any better. Sometimes complete strangers will come up to me and my family and tell me how nice it is that I take care of my mother.

I do enjoy taking care of my mother. There a lot of great times and she is happy. I take the time to relish the great moments that I want to remember forever.

I just wish I could get rid of the lump in my throat. I don’t think that is possible.

© 2013, MaLu Bradford Beyonce,

All Rights Reserved.

You may reach MaLu Bradford Beyonce at malubeyonce@gmail.com